Making Adjustments

It's my 5th day on Depakote and my 6th day of knowing that I'm bipolar. The 1st four days on Depakote made me feel like I was on a big drunk. Today has been pretty good, however. I was able to work today and even drive to see my dad. Adjusting to the fact that I'm bipolar is a little more difficult than adjusting to the pills though, I must admit.

I've not shouted from the roof tops that I have a mood disorder, but I have told those closest to me. All of them have been super supportive!!

Tomorrow I am being raised from 500 mg. of Depakote to 1000 mg. I'm guessing my "drunken state" will return. I'm terrifed of the weight gain that comes with this medicine. I can't afford to gain even a pound!!

I asked my dr. to try to get me off of the Ativan that I've been taking over the past year (stupid me). I'm starting to have anxiety attacks again and my wonderful insomnia is returning. I can not and will not live with insomnia again. Maybe he can put me back on something else. I just want to feel normal, but I'm not sure if I've ever experienced normal in my 39 years of life so how would I know it if it happened?