I'm back

Okay, so I've been gone awhile, but I'm back. I don't know how I can describe the past few months of my life because thinking clearly and the ability to clearly express myself are gone. The meds. I'm on have me so spaced out all the time. I sleep for 16 or 17 hours a day and when I'm up I'm barely able to function.

I've been in the process of being weaned off my Depakote for the past few weeks because I'm having major hair loss, which is one of the side effects. I will be going on Lamictal in a few days. I only pray that this will work. I also hope it kicks in fast because I need it BAD!!

I think my husband is really sick of me being this way. He never says he loves me. He never has anything at all to do with me. He won't even wash a load of clothes for me or clean a dish and there are days when I really can't do it. This is making me more depressed.. I'm so sick of everything right now.

A big ole deviled egg

I tried very hard to be in the Halloween spirit tonight, but I've been lacking in spirit all the way around today! (I feel like I could sleep 20 hours and eat the other four that I'm not sleeping). Anyway, I managed to get my big ass up off the couch and fix some punch and appetizers and I even dressed up as a deviled egg. (My disabled daughter LOVED that) : ) We just got finished watching Halloween and now I'm going to try to stay awake long enough to watch Amityville Horror. I HATE being so tired all of the time and btw... I AM gaining weight AND I've been on once heck of a rollercoaster ride with hubby today. One min. he's a sweetie and the next he's driving me nuts (when he actually isn't doing anything). I think I just need sleep.

In a daze

I've been in a daze all day with absolutely interest in nothing. What little I've done has been forced on my part. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of a non existent world. I'm so tired. I just want to sleep.

Is it too soon to be hopeful?

I feel like I've been on another huge drunk this morning, but otherwise I feel great. I slept good last night and I feel pretty rested. Could the worst actually be behind me now? (fingers crossed)

Feeling so much better.

I slept like a baby last night! : ) I went to bed around 11:00 pm and didn't get up until 5:00 am. OMG... it's been a LONG time since I've slept normal and it was great!

I'm starting to see some small differences, like I have more patience and I can actually tolerate my husband at this point... something I've never been able to do!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is just the beginning to a better tomorrow.

Ativan is back : )

My doctor came through for me and is going to let me continue taking the Ativan. I know I'm getting on his nerves because I change my mind so much, but right now I'm just so relieved to know that I can keep taking it. I've been up since 3:00 am cleaning and cooking... I'm off to bake some cookies now.

No more Lunesta!

Well, I couldn't handle the nastiness of Lunesta so I'm not going to be taking that anymore. I emailed my dr. tonight and pleaded with him to let me start taking the Ativan again so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I've got 15 left so I know for the next 15 days I'll be able to get some rest and be relaxed. I've still been on edge all day today and I am finding it hard to work just for the simple fact that I have to be so nice when I really don't want to be! lol Otherwise all has been well today.

We are planning a vacation for my 40th birthday, which gives me something to look forward to. (the vacation, not turning 40) ; )