Ativan withdrawls and losing friends

I went back to the dr. today. I'm having a really hard time coming off the Ativan. I think he probably would have put me back on it but he reminded me of how much I wanted off of it last time I was there, which I did, so I'm going to try to keep going without it. I told him that my insomnia was back in full force so now I'm on Lunesta for that. I also had some really bad episodes these past few days, mostly with depression so he raised my Prozac, and my Depakote to 1500 mg.

Right now I'm feeling like shit and that there is no hope of getting better. I was talking to a friend the other night, who doesn't know I'm bipolar, and I just totally lost it where my depression is concerned. I haven't cried like that in, well.... a few weeks..lol. Needless to say I've not heard from that person since then and I probably won't. (yeah, I know... then that person wasn't a friend anyway, but you've got to understand that I really lost it)!!!!

I'm also pissed at myself because I feel like I have to hide this from everyone and I'm pissed at everyone for making me feel like I have to hide it... make sense or am I just rambling? I'm also pissed at those I've told who have shown no understanding... even one person I talked to daily will no longer speak to me. That hurts. I'm grateful for the support I have got though.

God, I'm just tired emotionally and physically. I can't wait to get my Lunesta tomorrow and I hope the Depakote works soon. I'm feeling pretty freaking miserable tonight.